Interview Part 3

if you missed Part 1, you’re lost. Start here instead.
for Part Deux, click here

AARDGEEK: Welcome back as we continue our interview with Radioactive Jam, where we've just learned of an incident involving mismatched shoes and...a shrink? As in, at a shrink’s office?
JAM: Actually, yes. The doctor walked out of the receptionist’s office, looked at me as he spoke my name, then started walking toward his office. I was sitting in a chair, pretty much in his line of sight. I started to get up, and noticed his head turn a little, then a little more as my shoes caught and held his attention. After several seconds he turned away, kept walking. No eye contact during or after the scoping-out process. In his office, sit down, exchange pleasantries, then – nothing. About the shoes. No questions, no remarks, no indication he’d even noticed…except I knew he did.
AARDGEEK: Perhaps you misunderstand the meaning of the word “professional.”
JAM: The guy was a Shrink, looking at inarguably abnormal behavior! How could he not probe, even to like, a superficial level?
AARDGEEK: Did this bother you?
JAM: No, it just surprised me.
AARDGEEK: Can you elaborate on that?
JAM: I just thought a shrink would jump at the chance to explore abnormal behavior. I mean, I’d just come from work, it’s not like I wore the shoes for his benefit.
AARDGEEK: I’m not sure I understand you fully.
JAM: What part do you not understand?
AARDGEEK: You’re not really talking about me, are you?
JAM: I was talking about the shrink.
AARDGEEK: Do you enjoy being talking about the shrink?
JAM: "Enjoy being talking?"
AARDGEEK: I can’t help, if you will not chat with me!
JAM: ...Mona?!
AARDGEEK: Ha-ha, don’t worry. Our friend “Eliza” was just having a little fun analyzing you.
JAM: Ah.
AARDGEEK: Please go on.
JAM: Can we talk about something else now?
AARDGEEK: Sure. How about explaining why you were at the shrink's office?
JAM: How about you bite me?
AARDGEEK: --
JAM: --
AARDGEEK: I’d like to hear the story behind that self-inflicted haircut.
JAM: It’s nothing special, really.
AARDGEEK: Do you see stating the obvious as a marketable skill?
JAM: I got tired of always trying to—what?
AARDGEEK: Nothing, sorry.
JAM: Kids kept taking my hairbrush when they lost theirs, because I always left mine in the same place.
AARDGEEK: OCD?
JAM: No, in a bathroom cabinet. One day I’m thinking I’m really tired of having to hunt for my own things, my hair was getting thinner, and-
AARDGEEK: Thinner? You mean falling out and not growing back, like male pattern baldness?
JAM: Uh, something like that, yeah. Anyway, I buy a home haircut kit, watch the video, and proceed to remove everything except like, a half inch all the way around. I’ve never looked back. In fact, I’m down to a fraction of an inch. Life is much simpler now.
AARDGEEK: That sounds pretty extreme. What was your style before the buzz? Wait, let me guess: mullet, right?
JAM: That was a long time ago-
AARDGEEK: Oh, yeah. I can understand why you chose Shoes for the ol’ profile picture.
JAM: You arro-
AARDGEEK: It’s time for another break, folks. But don’t worry, there’s no end in sight!

Stay tuned, part 4 coming soon!