Original Radioactive Jam

Just a dollop, on a donut with SPAM® Spread* ==>==>==> We've moved!

Monday, July 25, 2005

Don't Panic!

unless of course you misplaced your towel
Remember The Instigator? That cute little yellow (fugitive!) monkey responsible for trashing my work area and creating a mass of dark-minded, sentient ooze? A couple days ago he was spotted by a webcam panning a South Florida airport.

Yeah. He's wanted for questioning by a certain "discreet" government agency; they're interested in learning more about the ooze. So far the only component they've been able to isolate is radioactive coffee¹.

Working with local authorities, the Agency managed to apprehend my little yellow (fugitive!) friend. Here's a copy of his mugshot, obtained from an unnamed source².

They charged him with trespassing and criminal mischief for starters; the severity of federal charges would depend on how - and if - he cooperated with the spooks I mean Agency.

When you look at the picture above, do you notice anything unusual? Typical crappy police photo, face-front view, profile...hmm. Does that profile seem a bit narrow to you? If so, don't bother applying for a job in South Florida law enforcement; you won't fit in with them, dear reader.

You probably can guess what happened next. My unnamed source sent me this still photo from the security (Ha. It is to laugh) camera in the monkey's cell.

None of us are surprised; why were they? Sigh.

All I can do is hope my little yellow (Federal fugitive!) friend decides to head for the jungles of Central America instead of making his way back here. Then again - in Central America he'll have an even easier time getting his nimble little hands on the special toys³ he tried to get me to buy for him, toys not readily available in central Florida. Now I'll have to get some just to stay even!

I hate when this happens. This is how nuclear arms races begin, then quickly spiral out of control. Speaking of which I better check the security of my supply of weapons-grade plutonium. Rest assured I always made the little yellow (Ff!) monkey cover his eyes while I entered the cipher lock code!


¹Chief chemist: Syar
²Not a chance. Cell before tell!
³LAWS rockets, grenade launchers, compact automatic weapons - you know. Typical home-defense stuff.

8 Emissions:

Blogger Cate emitted...

I dunno. He seems like a wily one, that yellow monkey. I bet he knows the lock code.

7/29/2005 08:49:00 AM  
Blogger Lou (a.k.a. rainpuddles) emitted...

Uh-oh... Ut-oh?!... He didn't... no of course not... He couldn't... could he?.... naw... he's just a monkey.... but he is a yellow monkey.... [digests everything for a second] We're all going to die!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7/29/2005 01:09:00 PM  
Blogger Demosthenes emitted...

Federal Aid? FEDERAL AID?

I think not. It just so happened that when those government shrinks came knocking at my door, I was preparing for a second assault on what I have code-named le monstre jaune. All in all, the meeting ended well, with me pumping two fist-sized slugs through their multiple reams of paperwork and ushering both out the door with a swift cock of the 12-gague. But that's nothing compared to what I'm going to unleash on le monstre jaune tomorrow. My "difficulties" will be avenged, rest assured (most likely while "Eye of the Tiger" plays in the background).

RaJ... I knew that RPG under the couch would come in handy someday. Lock and load!

7/29/2005 08:07:00 PM  
Blogger Radioactive Jam emitted...

Cate - this is the time for strength and certainty. I am definitely in strong denial.

Rainpuddles - consider the bright side. As in, the bright flash thousands of kilometers south of Canada. :->

Demosthenes - yes! Now I remember. In hindsight it's probably good you didn't waste any rounds on that short-term problem doppelganger fellow. I'm sure Jedith would agree...

7/29/2005 08:26:00 PM  
Blogger Nadia emitted...

I'm officially terrified. I will be ever vigilant as of this second. No more sleep for me. Le monstre jaune is indeed getting around at an alarming rate. demos, is there any way for you to send some high-quality firearms my way? Scratch that, I know you can. Hurry, please. Why shouldn't I get to pack heat just because I'm underage?

7/30/2005 09:09:00 AM  
Blogger Demosthenes emitted...

Nadia, just name it. I've got shipments coming out of Chechnya and Bosnia in about a week; I can easily divert a truck or two... I think you'll be able to handle just about everything on your own, save maybe the Mk 23 9mm SOCOM Heckler and Kotches; they have nasty kick, but I can give you some personal training. It's all in the hips...

7/30/2005 05:13:00 PM  
Blogger Nadia emitted...

Righteous. I'm all about the hips.

I'll be waiting demos.


7/31/2005 06:41:00 AM  
Blogger Syar emitted...

I'm chief chemist? ALRIGHT! I kicked ass in chemistry. no, really. things I loved in this post (other than the fact that I was mentioned):

1. you put in a Hitchhikers mention. you rock.
2. showing me the right path. I was JUST about to apply for a job in South Florida law enforcement.
3. that you tried your darndest not to give the yellow monkey access to your nuclear arms. A for effort.

8/01/2005 10:34:00 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home