Original Radioactive Jam

Just a dollop, on a donut with SPAM® Spread* ==>==>==> We've moved!

Monday, June 13, 2005

MeetAgeeK - An AardGeek Interview

but wait there's more
To compensate for our apparent inability to generate a 100 Things list, we offer similar disinformation through this previously unpublished interview. Conducting the interview will be The AardGeek, a mysterious, vaguely humanoid creature of antediluvian origin. The interviewee is of course yours truly, accompanied by our usual complement of imaginary voices and friends.

We hope you’ll find this enlightening, amusing, and – who knows? – educational. While we claim no mastery of the English language – for example, we suspect the mix of –ing and –al in the previous sentence probably breaks some rule of grammar, plus we use way too many hyphens – we do plan to seed the interview with several commonly misused and/or misspelled words. We hope you’ll notice our correct use, then go and do likewise. An example of this would be ‘complement’ in the preceding paragraph.

Finally, we hope you will notice and adopt our correct use of the words its and it’s. In doing so, you will help to make the world a better place for language nitpickers who through no fault of their own always notice those kinds of things, but never say anything about it because they know it’s nitpicking at its worst and they’d probably get punched in the face if they tried to correct someone anyway.

AARDGEEK: Welcome to this edition of Meet A Geek. With us today is the relatively unknown Radioactive Jam, ready to answer all our questions with complete honesty regardless of potential embarrassment and loss of self-esteem. Mr. Jam, thanks for agreeing to this format.
JAM: Uh…
AARDGEEK: Right, let’s not waste these fine folks’ time. We’ll start out with a couple “softball” type questions, then move into the meat and potatoes. Along the way we’ll mix a few metaphors and most likely split infinitives, mainly because we know this is a common mistake but have no clear understanding of what it means. First question, Mr. Jam – can you explain your lifelong inability to show affection to close family members?
JAM: That’s a softball?
AARDGEEK: cough-Wuss!-cough
JAM: Okay then. Well. My first instinct is to blame my parents, but I can’t for two reasons. One, my mom is still alive and might read this. Two, I’d be lying. My fallback would of course be denial. Again, living family members and relatives know better, so that won’t work either.
So I guess the answer is, I’m not sure. I know this is a problem, I make a conscious effort to try and physically demonstrate how much I love and care about family members. I fail, sometimes, but hope they understand.
AARDGEEK: Does their understanding then become an excuse for the next failure?
JAM: Can I get a different interviewer, or at least a new question?
AARDGEEK: Relax, Mr. Jam. We’re not here to torture you. Next question: is it true you’ve started giving your age in hexadecimal notation?
JAM: Yes. The base-16 form sounds younger, and most people say I don’t look my age. Or act my age, for that matter.
AARDGEEK: People tell you to grow up?
JAM: Usually it’s more of a look, a rolling of the eyes at some of my “immature” behavior.
AARDGEEK: Such as?
JAM: Well, my shoes for instance.
AARDGEEK: You seem to have missed the pre-school phase where they explained things like how to wear shoes that match. Today for example, you’re wearing – what?
JAM: Chuck Taylor Hi-Tops, one red, one neon green.
AARDGEEK: Why? I mean, I see how the red one matches your shirt. And I don’t want to know if the neon matches something I can’t see, thanks.
JAM: The short answer is “because I can.” Chucks come in all kinds of colors, I find them cheap, and mixing them up just seemed like a reasonable thing to do.
AARDGEEK: Do you see yourself as a pioneer, a trend-setter, a free spirit?
JAM: Not really. I’ve done this for years. At first I thought it’d be cool to see other people doing the same, but I don’t expect to start any trends, no.
AARDGEEK: Another word describing your behavior would be “weird.”
JAM: You’ve spoken to my children, haven’t you?
AARDGEEK: We need to take a short break, but we'll be back - stay tuned for self-inflicted haircuts, mudding with a highway princess truck, and more!
Jump to Part Deux
Jump to Part 3

7 Emissions:

Blogger Demosthenes emitted...

I really think that my blog is original and creative, and then I come here. Thanks again for pushing the boundries of novelty in the blogosphere, even if it means containing my ego.

6/13/2005 04:46:00 PM  
Blogger Radioactive Jam emitted...

You know that mythical parental encouragement line that goes something like, "Find that one thing you do best" etc.?

For me it's meant lots of practice talking to myself...

Mom! Relax. I'm kidding!

6/13/2005 04:56:00 PM  
Blogger jedith emitted...

Hmm... Interesting... is this a real interview?

6/13/2005 05:12:00 PM  
Blogger Radioactive Jam emitted...

Come, come, elucidate your thoughts.

6/13/2005 07:40:00 PM  
Blogger jedith emitted...

Hey Radioactive Jam,

link me and I will link you. :)

6/14/2005 02:50:00 PM  
Blogger Achilles emitted...

you linked jedith...is it the apocalypse? o well

6/16/2005 12:17:00 PM  
Blogger Radioactive Jam emitted...

apocalypse - as in the end of the world? Already? Do I have time to not make this month's mortgage payment? I'd really like to spend it on...oh. Never mind.

To misquote a higher intelligence, "So long and thanks for all the Twinkies*."

*what can I say, I prefer them to fish

6/16/2005 12:26:00 PM  

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