Original Radioactive Jam

Just a dollop, on a donut with SPAM® Spread* ==>==>==> We've moved!

Saturday, April 30, 2005

Interview Part 3

if you missed Part 1, you’re lost. Start here instead.
for Part Deux, click here

AARDGEEK: Welcome back as we continue our interview with Radioactive Jam, where we've just learned of an incident involving mismatched shoes and...a shrink? As in, at a shrink’s office?
JAM: Actually, yes. The doctor walked out of the receptionist’s office, looked at me as he spoke my name, then started walking toward his office. I was sitting in a chair, pretty much in his line of sight. I started to get up, and noticed his head turn a little, then a little more as my shoes caught and held his attention. After several seconds he turned away, kept walking. No eye contact during or after the scoping-out process. In his office, sit down, exchange pleasantries, then – nothing. About the shoes. No questions, no remarks, no indication he’d even noticed…except I knew he did.
AARDGEEK: Perhaps you misunderstand the meaning of the word “professional.”
JAM: The guy was a Shrink, looking at inarguably abnormal behavior! How could he not probe, even to like, a superficial level?
AARDGEEK: Did this bother you?
JAM: No, it just surprised me.
AARDGEEK: Can you elaborate on that?
JAM: I just thought a shrink would jump at the chance to explore abnormal behavior. I mean, I’d just come from work, it’s not like I wore the shoes for his benefit.
AARDGEEK: I’m not sure I understand you fully.
JAM: What part do you not understand?
AARDGEEK: You’re not really talking about me, are you?
JAM: I was talking about the shrink.
AARDGEEK: Do you enjoy being talking about the shrink?
JAM: "Enjoy being talking?"
AARDGEEK: I can’t help, if you will not chat with me!
JAM: ...Mona?!
AARDGEEK: Ha-ha, don’t worry. Our friend “Eliza” was just having a little fun analyzing you.
JAM: Ah.
AARDGEEK: Please go on.
JAM: Can we talk about something else now?
AARDGEEK: Sure. How about explaining why you were at the shrink's office?
JAM: How about you bite me?
JAM: --
AARDGEEK: I’d like to hear the story behind that self-inflicted haircut.
JAM: It’s nothing special, really.
AARDGEEK: Do you see stating the obvious as a marketable skill?
JAM: I got tired of always trying to—what?
AARDGEEK: Nothing, sorry.
JAM: Kids kept taking my hairbrush when they lost theirs, because I always left mine in the same place.
JAM: No, in a bathroom cabinet. One day I’m thinking I’m really tired of having to hunt for my own things, my hair was getting thinner, and-
AARDGEEK: Thinner? You mean falling out and not growing back, like male pattern baldness?
JAM: Uh, something like that, yeah. Anyway, I buy a home haircut kit, watch the video, and proceed to remove everything except like, a half inch all the way around. I’ve never looked back. In fact, I’m down to a fraction of an inch. Life is much simpler now.
AARDGEEK: That sounds pretty extreme. What was your style before the buzz? Wait, let me guess: mullet, right?
JAM: That was a long time ago-
AARDGEEK: Oh, yeah. I can understand why you chose Shoes for the ol’ profile picture.
JAM: You arro-
AARDGEEK: It’s time for another break, folks. But don’t worry, there’s no end in sight!

Stay tuned, part 4 coming soon!

Interview Part Deux

if you missed Part 1, you’re lost. Start here instead

AARDGEEK: Aaannnnndd we’re back interviewing Radioactive Jam, trying to wrap our minds around this whole mismatched shoe thing. You say your children think it’s a weird thing to do?
JAM: Not exactly; they think I’m weird for doing it. Well, some of them think so. Kind of mixed reviews overall, from the youngest wishing I’d resume my former invisibility to the oldest finding the practice mildly disturbing, at least at first. The two middle ones seem to have taken it in stride, so to speak.
AARDGEEK: Lame puns – is that like a specialty or something?
JAM: --
AARDGEEK: What was it about the shoes that your oldest child found disturbing?
JAM: I think she has a highly developed sense of…I don’t know, symmetry maybe. In general I’ve seen a wide range of reactions from people. My wife tolerates the cloud of idiosyncrasies emanating from me; I’ve never understood why but I’m glad all the same. My mom likes the idea of mixing shoe colors. Employers have been surprisingly understanding, while co-workers and customers seem to appreciate the novelty.
AARDGEEK: Or maybe they’re easily amused at your expense.
JAM: That’s a possibility.
AARDGEEK: What about people you don’t know? I’m assuming if you’re strange enough to regularly wear mismatched shoes, you’re not shy about it.
JAM: I’ve been surprised. First was realizing most people don’t even seem to notice, which kind of made sense when I thought about it. I mean, we’re talking about feet, here. I’m not a female, so if people notice me at all, their eyes seldom drop below my face.
AARDGEEK: Wait a minute. What’s gender got to do with it?
JAM: --
AARDGEEK: Oh. Right. Never mind. Sorry.
JAM: Some people make comments, mostly curious or positive. Some frown and avoid eye contact, or give me a There’s Something Wrong With You look. Most surprising to me though, are little kids.
JAM: I haven’t seen many that even notice, but the few that do begin to stare, like they’re seeing something completely outside their frame of reference and can’t figure it out.
AARDGEEK: That’s where I’m at…
JAM: They’re too young to dress themselves, so the concept of right and wrong matching of shoes doesn’t exist in their minds, doesn’t even register. Yet they stare at my shoes like an adult might stare at some alien creature.
AARDGEEK: That’s where I’m at…
JAM: And it makes me think humans are like, wired for bilateral symmetry. That we’re born with it. Seeing me with one orange and one blue shoe, the wiring doesn’t know what to do with it, can’t handle it. Same holds true for some adults. Others seem able to deal with having their wires crossed; it triggers a positive response. True story: one guy shouted at me across a parking lot, “Coolest shoes in town!” The lady and child beside him seemed less impressed.
AARDGEEK: You do live in a fairly small town, right?
JAM: Yeah. I kept my day job. My favorite reaction of all time, though, came from a professional, a doctor.
JAM: A shrink, actually.
AARDGEEK: Hmm! While I think about how best to exploit that bit of information, we’ll take another break. Don’t stray too far, there’s more ahead…

Jump to Part 3

Friday, April 29, 2005

TooD List

Is there such a thing as macro-dyslexia?
* Take house to school
* Paint kids


So, yeah. This needs work.